The One Where We Went “Bowling”


I matched with *Tyler on Tinder a couple weeks ago. He seemed sporty, well educated, and cute. Our conversation started out with the normal back and forth of small talk. Eventually we switched to texting, where things got a little more personal. And I don’t mean in a sexual way as guys seem to do after talking for more than a day. But he wanted to know my expectations in relationships and my long term goals which was refreshing. We seemed to share the same ideals when it came to relationships and got along nicely. He’d text me every morning to say good morning and we would text the entire day away with nonsense until I went to bed. I started to hype up the situation more in my head about how much chemistry I had with him and we even started making plans on all the things we’d want to do if things worked out. Now, from previous posts of mine I know this is a big no-no to build high expectations for someone before I meet them but I was convinced this wouldn’t end up being like that. 

Oh, how I was wrong again. We planned a date to go bowling at Big Als in Beaverton because it was conveniently located between my work and his school. This sounded like a perfect date place since you could drink, bowl, or play arcade games. We ended up arriving at the same time and met out front. He didn’t look as I expected and was a little heavier than his pictures which was kind of surprising since we had been snapchatting continuously as well. A few extra pounds wasn’t a big deal since I don’t mind a little chub on my man. But the turn off was he seemed to roll his eyes and huff as if I wasn’t what he was expecting either and that feeling seemed to linger through the whole date. We decided to sit in the dining area first to get some food. I wasn’t very hungry yet so I just nursed my beer while he ordered a plate of chips and buffalo chicken dip. The conversation was sort of slow and awkward which is known to happen on first dates. He asked questions that he already asked via text and seemed to be focused on the many football games on the TVs. His dialogue was also very negative and pessimistic which I am all for complaining but I can’t handle it if that’s all you’re doing. He kept joking that I was going to get up and leave everytime I went to the bathroom. I told him I wasn’t that mean even if I wasn’t interested in someone, and he just gave me a look as if to say “yeah right”. After two beers, we decided to split the check and move on to games. He didn’t want to actually bowl, so we settled on arcade games. 

We started with the basketball game which is one of my favorites. I’m horrible at actual basketball but can shoot hoops for days on this game. I figured he’d like it since he use to play in high school, but I ended up winning. We then moved on to air hockey where I won again. Then the giant connect four and a multiple player Pac-man, where I kept winning. He seemed to get frustrated by this and had to admit that he’s a competitive person. I joked that he was letting me win, but he didn’t seem amused. He didn’t seem that interested in what we played either. Everytime I asked what game he wanted to play, since I kept picking them, he shrugged and said it was up to me. This was off putting since I want someone who is going to have an opinion about what we do and not just doing whatever I want to do. I’m already indecisive enough by myself and I need someone who can counter that. Eventually we ran out of credit and went to turn in our tickets for prizes. We didn’t have enough for anything good, so we used them on a bunch of candy instead. After that we walked out and sat outside talking for a bit. He asked if I wanted to still hang out Saturday. My friend from Seattle last minute told me she was coming to town but I told him we could hang out afterwards. He said we didn’t have to hang out but could start hanging out weekly. This was an odd gesture to me since he seemed like he was blowing it off. I think he took my friend coming to town as an excuse not to hang out, but he seemed pretty eager to cancel our plans for Saturday too. We ended the night with and awkward hug and parted ways. 

We still text or snap occasionally but he seems to be fading out slowly. All the good morning and double texts stopped. It’s funny how you can see the change when someone is no longer interested. Least in this case it’s mutual. 

P.S. I forgot to add my favorite part! We ended up swapping phone cases because I mentioned how much I liked his and that I was having a hard time finding one I liked. I kept telling him he could have it back whenever he wanted but he didn’t seem to care that much. I’m kind of obsessed with it and love that it has a weird story behind it.

The One Where We Went to a Blazer Game

  
My partial season basketball tickets for the Blazers finally kicked in last week! My first game was on Thursday. I was panicking all week because I was having trouble finding someone to go with me. Two different guys I invited from online dating sites had stopped talking to me shortly after inviting them. I would think guys would be more excited about a free Blazer game, I mean half the guys on these sites talk about how they’re huge fans. It’s a cool date for meeting someone for the first time because if you end up not liking your date you can at least watch the game. Wednesday rolled around and I was going to ask my friend to go with me since any hopes of taking an actual date seemed fleeting. That’s when I got a message from Patrick* on Tinder. 

Patrick* and I had messaged on Tinder a while ago when we first matched. We had even made plans to hang out with a location and day but never set up a time. When that date happened neither of us reached out to confirm plans and life went on. I assumed I had lost him to whatever abyss guys go to when they randomly stop messaging you for no reason. But here we were a couple weeks later with a message on my phone from him. It was early morning, I might add, like I had just got to work that day early. 

Our conversation mimicked our previous messages as if we had just matched for the first time. Re-asking questions that had already been asked and neither of us had remembered the answers too. Once again he suggested we meet up to hang out. I figured it couldn’t hurt to try and invite one more rando to the Blazer game before asking my friend. He excitedly accepted like the others and we exchanged numbers. 

The day of the game, I was skeptical that he was going to show up since our previous plans hadn’t worked out. I was also in a very anti-social mood that made me hope he would cancel as well. We had been texting back and forth all day until our interaction hit a disagreement. He was being flirty and suggested that if I liked him I should kiss him at the end of the date. I agreed because this would have been something I would do regardless. I thought it was cute that he was bold enough to ask, until he started getting cocky about it. His messages  went from “I hope I get that kiss” to “I know I will get that kiss”. He even suggested that he thought I’d for sure take him home with me too. There’s nothing more unattractive than someone who expects sex on the first date. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it on the first date but that’s something to decide in the moment not to expect.  I made it clear to him that wasn’t happening and he back pedaled to say he was just joking. This didn’t help the dismay I was already feeling about going tonight. 

I ended up arriving first and awkwardly waiting in the cold since I drove straight from work and he was taking the MAX. I pretended to be busy while reading articles on my phone until I heard someone say my name. I looked up to see Patrick* walking towards me and he looked even better than his pictures. He was cute and he knew it. We hugged and decided to find our seats before grabbing beers. It was free poster night so we walked around the arena to see if they had any other free give aways while we sipped our beers. We arrived pretty early so the conversation was kind of awkward as we waited for the game to start but we were both nervous. As the game progressed and we had a couple more beers, we became more comfortable with each other. We hooted and hollared, clapped and chanted, and made jokes about each play. We kept scooting closer and closer together (not that the seats aren’t already close) until he reached over and grabbed my hand to hold. It caught me off guard because it is a gesture I don’t experience very often especially from someone I’ve just met. I find hand holding to be a sweet gesture that is often lost in my generation (unless you’ve been dating). It’s sad to say but guys are more likely to grab my butt instead of my hand. He followed his hand grab with a peck on the cheek which I took as an invitation to do the same. This lead to us making out in our seats which I’m sure wasn’t pleasant for those surrounding us. I know I find PDA nauseating when I see other couples doing it but you can’t help getting lost in a beer induced make out session. We did this a couple more times until the game ended with the Blazers winning!

It was dark and rainy outside, and my car was parked in a sketch location. I offered to drive him home if he walked me to my car. This satisfied both my desire to make out more and not die while walking to my car. I drove him home where we ended up hooking up in my car. We both currently live at home with our parents because financial independence is hard when the majority of your pay check is already promised to student loans. This meant we also didn’t have the luxury of inviting each other in for said hook up. We laughed about it afterwards because of how I said this wouldn’t happen and I wasn’t that kind of girl. We kissed goodbye and parted ways. As most first date hook-ups go, I wasn’t sure if that meant I wouldn’t hear from him again or not. 

  
Friday: he wanted to hang out again but our conversation seemed to be focused on sex now. I agreed but was disappointed by the direction of his attention. We spent most of the night driving around finding a dark enough spot to hook up in until his parents went to bed and I could sneak in. He promised he wasn’t just about sex and we stopped at Taco Bell for dinner. He payed since I drove to see him. We hung out in the Home Depot parking lot stuffing our faces. After that, we snuck into his house and hooked up some more in his room. We cuddled the rest of the night until my stomach started hurting and I left. 

Saturday: He wanted to hang out again Saturday night but I needed a break since I haven’t had sex in a while and three for three seemed like a bit much. After laying in bed for a while, I found myself regretting my decision not to hang out with him and actually missing him. This made me feel weird since we just met. I could tell he was feeling the same weirdness too because he texted me asking what we were. I told him I didn’t know since it had only been two days but asked what he wanted. He said he wanted to be friends with benefits for now and then we could decide later if we wanted to be more. This was the best response he could’ve given. We obviously liked each other but this didn’t put any unnecessary pressure on it. 

Sunday: Saturday, I had asked him if he wanted to go to Victoria’s Secret with me since he had mentioned Friday he would love to go with me sometime. He had a thing for panties and I told him he could help me pick some out that I would wear later. He was so excited he ended up texting me bright and early Sunday morning asking when we were going. I thought we’d go later so we could hook up in my car afterwards since you can’t really do that in broad daylight. He didn’t have any patience though and we ended up going during the middle of the day. We stopped at the food court for lunch and walked around the mall window shopping. After we left the mall, we fooled around in the dark parking garage. We drove to another mall close by and looked at cheesy Christmas decorations to get in the spirit. It started pouring down rain when we were leaving, so we decided it might be a good time to try and hook up. There ended up being too much traffic flow everywhere we went. Accepting defeat, I drove him home for the day.

Monday: We met up after work and found the perfect street for hooking up. It had no street lights and a lot of tree coverage. Afterwards, we stopped at Taco Bell again and then drove to his old elementary school to eat it. We sat in the parking lot looking at the sky through my moon roof. It was mostly fogged up so there wasn’t much to look at. Our immature selves started drawing hearts and dicks on the window until we had to go home. 

  

Tuesday (AKA Today): We hung out again. We started by driving to the same street we had found the other night but had to stop mid hook up because some guy was walking his dog. We decided it might be best to find somewhere else or at least come back at a later time, so we went to Taco Bell again to kill time. He told me he wanted to take me to his favorite place in the city so we drove through a bunch of back roads until we got to a dead end. Apparently they closed it off for the night and he was so sad. He said it was a parking lot that basically over looked the whole area and was really nice. We sat infront of the road block and glumly ate our Taco Bell. The night ended with us finding a better place to hook up. 

This all feels very high school with sneaking around past parents, car sex, and mall food courts. Good news is I really like him and he isn’t afraid to tell me he likes me. 

***Names have been changed to protect the guilty***

An Open Letter to the Ex I Thought I Wanted Back

Dear Ex,

I want to thank you for attempting to come back into my life like nothing had happened. When I saw your name appear on my screen for the first time in months, I was estatic and thought it was a fairy tale come true. I was hesitant because of the way you left things without any explanation. I didn’t realize how much you broke me until you came back and brought all my pent up feelings with you. But you promised me that you were ready for more and that you’d be there for me this time. I chose to believe you regardless of my friends opinions and logic. You told me that the reason you left before was because you didn’t love yourself and thus couldn’t love me back. But no matter what explanation and apology you provide that’s not how it felt. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t even worth the respect of an explanation. I was embarrassed as people asked about you for months after you were already gone and I couldn’t provide them with a true reason. Your return helped answer all the doubt I had in my mind when you disappeared on me. Not because you came back but because you didn’t stay again. I expressed to you how my trust was wary and what I needed from your end. You told me you understood and that you would be better. But that’s all it ever was, was just words. Everything you promised and preached had no follow through. You didn’t even try or give me a chance before you threw in the towel. Instead of owning up to what you broke, you blamed it on me for pushing you away and not trusting you. And dare say I might have begged you to stay but I’m glad you didn’t. Your return proved it was nothing that I did or could do and helped me let go of the feelings I still had for you. I finally got the closure I needed and deserved. For that I thank you. 

Love, 

Danielle

The One Where We Went to the Zoo 


I’ve slowly been easing myself back into online dating. Mostly window shopping for now, but I did go on a date this weekend. I recently re-downloaded Tinder because surprisingly that is the only app I’ve had any real success on. I converted my profile to just listing out date ideas to ward off any fuck boys plus to give the sorry saps that are trying to meet up a better date idea than just drinks. I matched with James* a week ago and we seemed to want the same things. He decided to go with the first date idea on my list which was going to the zoo. He instantly wanted to add me on Facebook and snapchat which was a little aggressive for my taste but I obliged. Some of his pictures were questionable and gave me slight swippers remorse, but I decided to give him a chance regardless. I will admit he had some red flags for me that made me hope he turned out to be a flake. It didn’t help that he was kind of dry via text.

We decided to meet at the zoo on Saturday afternoon. This weekend turned out to be nice and was perfect weather to go to the zoo. I got there first and waited for him at the entrance. He arrived a few minutes later and greeted me with a hug. He definitely looked better in person than his pictures which I’ve found most guys do. He seemed really sweet and was actually funny in person. We walked around talking about the animals but mostly about ourselves. Part way through we stopped to get shaved ice and water because it was a lot of sun. He even tried to hold my hand as we walked around but I wasn’t ready for that as silly as it sounds. It also got a little mushy towards the end as he joked about when the marriage was going to be and love, he even asked me my thoughts on marriage. Once again he seemed more aggressive on the being serious part than I was. 

We didn’t realize the zoo closed so early and got kicked out after only being there an hour. Still enjoying each other’s company we decided to go get dinner and drinks. He suggested the McMenamins Kennedy School which is one I hadn’t been to yet. We drove separately and he joked about how I was probably going to disappear on him. I told him this was the last time he’d see me and hopped in my car. I arrived there first and then got nervous he thought I was serious but he showed up a few minutes later. We sat down and decided to share a pizza. He ended up telling me that I was actually his first match on tinder and I joked it must be fate. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling sick before our food came to the point where I wanted to throw up. I didn’t even get a chance to try the pizza he paid for because the smell of it made me queasy. I tried to hold out the best I could but kept yawning as well. My body was basically rejecting me in every way. We probably would’ve hung out longer otherwise. I thought I would be fine once I got home but actually had to pull over on the highway to throw up. I’m not sure what had made me so sick but it sucks when you can’t be your full self during a date. Luckily I felt fine the whole time we were at the zoo and he even told me he didn’t expect me to be as funny as I was. He seems like a really nice guy that likes me, I just don’t seem to feel anything romantic towards him. I’m not sure if it’s me just being closed off or if I really just don’t have those feelings for him. I plan to hang out with him again to give it another shot but my gut is usually right.

***Names have been changed to protect the guilty***

A Night in Seattle 

I drove up to see my friend in Seattle this weekend. If I’m being specific she lives in Tacoma, but we got a room in Seattle for the night to enjoy drinking and good company. We haven’t been out drinking together since college and were ready to hit the ground chugging. 

We arrived at the Edgewater hotel a little after eight to check-in, drop off our things, and locate our other friends. Our bags were full of alcohol in hopes of a pre-funk as we walked into a hotel that was obviously too fancy for our young selves. We got to our room that only consisted of one king size bed to be shared between four friends. Deciding not to worry about sleeping arrangements until the end of the night, we called our friends to see when they were coming and where they wanted to go to dinner. The short conversation with them told us we were on our own for dinner and would meet up with them on Capitol Hill afterwards. With no pre-funk in sight, we decided to chug a beer and head out for the night.

For dinner, we walked twenty minutes down the Seattle water front to a Red Robin. By the time we arrived, they were minutes from closing. With every other restaurant closing too, we decided to be those people that every waiter and waitress hates. The bartender didn’t seem to mind as the Mariners game was still going on TV, so we ordered, drank, and proceeded on our merry way. 

Un-able to reach our friends and un-sure on where they wanted to meet, we stopped at the first tavern we found on Capitol Hill to grab drinks and wait. Understandibly, my friend started to get annoyed that they weren’t answering our calls. If I hadn’t come up for the weekend, she would’ve been waiting for them alone. We decided to continue the night without them and that they could just meet us where ever we ended up if they called back. Our plan was to get drunk and dance our asses off, but we weren’t familiar with the clubs of downtown Seattle. We settled on a place called the Q nightclub. I knew there would be dancing because we have a mock one based off it where I live. Similarly to the one in my city, it was un-eventful and disappointing for the price we had to pay. The music was all beat and no lyrics which made it hard to get into. After an hour of sad attempted dancing and only being hit on by gay guys, we decided to move our party closer to our hotel. 

We ended up at a club called Trinity, which was more our pace for music and dancing. My friend was asked to dance by a guy on our way back from the bathroom and a guy asked me shortly after I started dancing next to my friend alone. Having  some rando’s half chub rubbed against me wasn’t very appealing and threw off my groove. I decided to dance alone which proceeded with the guy trying to talk to me instead. Uninterested, I looked over to my friend for help only to find her being mauled by her guy. She didn’t look please at her current situation either so I asked if she wanted to get drinks. This is usually the easiest way to lose a guy on the dance floor but her guy followed us all the way to the bar. Creepily wrapping his arms around both of us, I made a disgusted face at some girls across the bar that had been looking. One of them looked concerned and mouth if I wanted her to come over there to which I nodded. She instantly disappeared and re-appeared next to us. 

“Hey, can you back off my friends?” She nudged aggressively and huddled with us. GIRL CODE. 

The guy didn’t really take the hint because he lingered while we bought our drinks. I found out they were out for a friends birthday so I bought them all drinks as well. We decided to join their party on the dance floor until closing time. After last call we were going to continue drinking with them at their car but we lost each other in the crowd. Unfortunately the creepy dude ended up finding us again as we were walking out of the bar. We saw him following us and darted back into the club. He followed us back in as well to which he stopped us and asked us if we were ready to get out of here. We said we had to find our friends and rushed back on to the dance floor, losing him as we circled around the bar and back outside again. This time we didn’t bother waiting out front and started running down the street. We thought our hotel was close enough to walk but ended up at the stadium instead to which we ran into another guy who seemed to be following us. He stopped us and asked us where the after party was going. We were just trying to go home but he was non-threatening so we talked to him for a while. We came to a drunk conclusion that we would keep partying with him and he could sleep on our hotel floor. His car was parked a couple blocks up in the opposite direction from where he had been walking (which is why I assumed he was following us). We got in his car and started heading towards our hotel. He was persistent on stopping and picking up more beer even though legally places aren’t allowed to sell alcohol after the bars close. He stopped at a local gas station while we waited in the car. We started to sober up and realized we didn’t want to keep drinking. Figuring we’d never see him again, we got out of the car and started running down the street. As we were running down different streets and around buildings we could hear a curious by stander scream at us .

“GIRLS RUNNING. WHY YOU RUNNING?”

I would be curious too if I saw two girls running down the street at two in the morning. We were able to find our way to the waterfront with no more interruptions from men. We had to stop for a passing train and made a pit stop at a fountain to jump in for a good snapchat.  The security guard on patrol showed up moments after we had jumped out and tripped us out because we couldn’t figure where he came from. We made it back to the hotel around three and drunkenly ordered breakfast to be delivered in the morning. We didn’t have to worry about sleeping arrangements either because our other friends never called us back.

Working For Me

I’ve been doing a lot of de-cluttering in my life recently. I went through all my clothes and storage bins to rid myself of the unnecessary. I am getting better at letting things go even if they have some sort of sentimental value. My recent urge to purge has sprung from my most recent goal: to buy a home. If you read my goals for this year, one of them was to move out of my parents house. This has only been a disheartening goal as rent continues to raise in this area and I still refuse to live with roommates. But, I recently came to the conclusion that buying is cheaper than renting. This isn’t really a new realization for me, just one I’m finally deciding to follow. 

As one of my goals is slowly becoming a reality, I couldn’t help but revisit the others I set for myself this year. Upon re-reading them I realized I’ve already accomplished most of them. I’ve fully accepted my adulthood by getting my own Netflix account, phone plan, and going to the dentist regularly. I even bought myself a real mattress last weekend. I haven’t started drinking wine yet, but my credit score is healthy and I have more bills than I need. I haven’t taken a trip out of the states yet but I did go on a beach trip weekend get away with my friends for birthday. All my loans are still alive and kicking, but I did pay down one of my credit cards. It’s interesting to see how I’ve been unintentionally working on these goals so far. 

The only one I haven’t been able to touch is getting cuffed. I am still always semi looking in case someone great comes across my screen, but it’s getting exhausting. I know I’ve said that before but with all this focus on my own goals and moving forward I can’t help but wish I had someone to grow with. I guess the good part is a don’t need someone to accomplish these things. People always say it’ll happen when you’ve stopped looking, so maybe that’s what I need to do. Because here’s how my current dating life has been: 

I went on a date recently with a guy I matched with on Tinder. He was cute and funny via text. He even talked about how he didn’t want to make it about sex. When I met him he barely said a word to me and left early because it was going to rain. I assumed that meant he didn’t like me but when he got up to leave he gave me a hug and grabbed my ass. He asked me to come over later and sent me a dick pic almost immediately after our short date. 

I received a message from a guy I matched with on bumble late at night stating he wanted to have sex with me. We had talked before but I was put off by his lack of interest in the conversation. This message was received almost a month after our first interaction. He told me he was going to convince me to have sex with him with words. He made an effort to talk to me for a while but it wasn’t anything panty dropping and knowing he was just doing it to get in my pants wasn’t appealing. Our banter eventually ended a few days later when he asked me if these sites have ever worked for me. I told him I met my last two boyfriends on them. he mocked me on the fact that neither worked out and felt the need to tell me he wasn’t a boyfriend. I told him that was cool to which he responded that he felt he needed to say it for me to understand. To which I responded that I wasn’t looking for hookups and that I needed to say it for him to understand. He stopped talking to me after that.

I’ve been selling some of my larger items on an app called OfferUp. One of the items I was selling was a microwave. I got a message from a guy named Jose who wanted it. Meeting up with him to give him this microwave was a struggle because he didn’t understand what I was saying half the time. After our brief encounter, he started messaging me on the app again. He asked if I was selling anything else and wouldn’t stop talking to me. Eventually he asked if I was single. I had to tell him I had a boyfriend to get him to go away. 

I’ve had a lot of conversations with new matches that only last a day as well. Or with guys that are only in town for the weekend. 

I just don’t think dating is for me. There are too many guys to sift through to find a decent one. I’m exhausted and need to start working on me. 

Definitely, Maybe

  
 Maybe you match on a popular dating site. Maybe he messages you first. Maybe you set a date to meet at a local bar. Maybe neither of you follow through. Maybe weeks go by with out word. Maybe he messages you first again. Maybe you invite him to a basketball game. Maybe you have a few drinks. Maybe you publicly make out. Maybe you have sex on the first date. Maybe in your car. Maybe while it’s raining. Maybe he asks if it’s a one time thing. Maybe you agree it’s not. Maybe you hang out for weeks straight. Maybe you go on late night drives. Maybe you eat a lot of Taco Bell. Maybe you enjoy each other’s company. Maybe you ask what this means. Maybe he says he’s not ready. Maybe he says we will get there. Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe you exchange gifts. Maybe he meets your friends. Maybe he meets your coworkers. Maybe he meets your family. Maybe he starts a new job. Maybe his dad gets sick. Maybe he gets sick. Maybe his ex gets engaged. Maybe he starts getting busy. Maybe he doesn’t really like you. Maybe he makes you feel like a second thought. Maybe he asks you what’s wrong. Maybe you tell him. Maybe you don’t want it to end. Maybe he’s not over his ex. Maybe he never responds. Maybe you’ll never know. 

Top 5 Christmas Movies

I’m really feeling the holiday spirit this year. Everything Christmas related makes me feel extra merry and bright. I listen to Christmas music on my commute to/from work and had my shopping done before thanksgiving. Long story short, I was bit by the holiday bug this year. To share some cheer, these are my top five favorite Christmas movies that I will be binge watching this month. 

5. The Santa Clause

 

I love this movie about a not so great dad becoming Santa and a better dad. It’s a feel good movie that is original and realistic in the family dynamics. The sequels are pretty hilarious as well but nothing beats the original. The sassy head elf Bernard is probably my favorite character. And if you ever needed ugly sweater inspiration, the step dad’s ugly sweater game in this movie is on point. 

4. Elf   

I HATED this movie when I originally saw it. But, the more I watched it the more it grew on me. Buddy the Elf is so rediculous that you can’t help but love him like most movies Will Farrell movies. He’s just trying to find his real dad and when he does he doesn’t give up on finding his approval. Plus we can’t forget the underrated one-liner Narwhal in the beginning of the movie. “Bye Buddy, I hope you find your dad”.

3. The Grinch   

I like the live action grinch way more than the classic animated one.  It has more plot than the Dr. Seuss rhymes, but stays true to the original story. I have never wanted to live somewhere more than Whoville, they seem like they know how to throw a party. I also strongly relate to how the grinch feels about feelings and caring. 

2. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

  

If you didn’t grow up watching this movie, do you even know the true meaning of Christmas?? This movie is my favorite classic. Cornelious, the island of misfit toys, bumbles bouncing; what’s not to love? Though I’m still skeptical about what Rudolph teaches us. I mean the moral of the story is basically that people will reject you if you’re different UNLESS they need you. Not really the best thing to teach kids, but still a great movie. 

1. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 

  

This is my all time favorite Christmas movie. This family is a hot mess and portrays a good image on how sometimes spending the holidays with relatives is the last thing you want but you put up with it. There is so much gold in this movie that I can’t even. The snooty neighbors are probably my favorite supporting actors in this movie. “Whys the floor wet Todd?” “I don’t know Margo!”. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I suggest purchasing a copy ASAP


New Year Goals: Resolute That!

With the holidays already upon us and the year rapidly approaching its end, I figured I would share my top goals for the year to come. This is by no means a list of resolutions. We all know those empty promises to work out more are not going to happen, so why keep trying to make it a thing? STOP TRYING TO MAKE FETCH HAPPEN. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 

  
Anyway, this is a list of the things I plan to accomplish within the year of 2016. Listed least to most important/motivated.  

5. Accept Adulthood.  I am in age limbo between early to mid-twenties. In the eyes of society, I am an adult and I have been for some time. In the eyes of a bar tender, I am a teenager with a fake. In the eyes of FASA, I am a useless dependent who can’t have her own loans. I don’t feel like an adult in any way, shape, or form; besides the fact that people keep telling me I am. Here are some steps I plan to take to feel more adult this year:

A. Get my own Netflix account.

B. Get my own cell phone plan.

C. Create and pay more bills than I thought was possible. 

D. Start drinking wine. 

E. Make regular dentist appointments. 

F. Cry.

4. Take A Trip.  Like an actual vacation to a tropical place of wonder. This last year I didn’t use any of my vacation days for an actual vacation. I mean my family goes camping all through out the summer but I hardly consider that a vacation, it is just something you do in the PNW. All my coworkers seem to be going on trips to Hawaii, Costa Rica, and Mexico. I’m trip envious and it makes me want to go on my own adventure. They are all older and well established adults which makes it easier to financially take a trip. I was talking with my old roommate/friend from college recently and we both agreed we would do an all inclusive trip around this time next year. She is always bit by the travel bug, so she is the perfect person to take with me and motivate me to follow through. First step, is actually putting in the effort and money to get my passport.  

3. Pay Off A Loan.  I currently pay on two student loans, a car loan, and my two credit cards. My student loans are pretty menial compared to most graduates since I only needed it for tuition/books on one year. I know for sure it won’t be my car loan because that is a hefty chunk of cash. My goal is to pay off the student loan with lower interest since I have been over paying the same amount on both loans and that one has the smallest principle. I also plan to actually pay down my credit cards or atleast one of them so I can have that for emergencies instead of daily expenses. I’ve already started monitoring my monthly spending to help myself achieve this goal (Conclusion: I need to do a lot less retail therapy).

2. Get Cuffed.  I want to embrace cuffing season and have a serious boyfriend. I’m tired of all the fuckboys in my life. Ironically, my friend and I set goals when she lost her job and I was dumped this last year. She wanted to find a successful career by the end of the year and I wanted to find a boyfriend by my next birthday. She met her goal and my deadline is rapidly approaching (April 11th). Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a desperate need for a boyfriend and I’m not going to just date anyone who fancies me, but I’m finally ready to fully commit to someone. I’ll probably jinx myself by saying this but I want that person to be Patrick *knocks on all the wood*. I think with the way things are going it is a strong possibility. I even deleted all my dating apps. 

1. Move Out!  That is right, you heard me, I still live off the backbone of my parental units. And no they aren’t trying to kick me out, moving out is my own desire. I think if my mom could she would keep me home forever. I already know what apartment complex I want to move to (the layout is pictured above), I just have to work out my financial situation. I am not doing roommates this time. I’m going to go full adult and live on my own in a one bedroom. It is currently above my pay grade but I am supposed to be renegotiating my income soon with my boss and if I get the raise I want/deserve I will make enough to make this dream come true. My mom thinks I should move somewhere cheaper, but I want to move to an apartment I can live for the next couple of years not a sketch crap hole I will want to move out of in a year. Doesn’t Happy Valley, OR sound like an amazing place to live? 

Haunting of my Past Ghosts

In the spirit of Halloween, I want to share some scary stories that have happened in my past. These are actual events I have experienced and were terrifying at the time. Let me know if you have had similar experiences or might have reacted differently! 

Breaking and Almost Entering

  
A constant fear of mine is the idea of having someone break into my house while I am home. I often find myself thinking of what I would do everytime I hear a strange noise at night. Would I hide in my closet behind my clothes? Have time to run to the bathroom where I can lock the door? Escape from my window which is only a short drop from the ground? Thankfully I have never had to act on this fear, but there have been a few close calls. 

When I was in elementary school, my family lived in a small cul-de-sac in middle class suburbia. We lived a block away from our cousins and church members, played outside daily without parental supervision, and felt safe from any real world dangers. There were rumors in our neighborhood that one of the houses across the street was actually home to a drug dealer and none of the kids were aloud to go near there. There were strange people always coming and going at different times of day. 

One night my parents were out later than normal leaving me and my older sister home alone until it was already dark out. We had a few rules we were supposed to obey while they were out; don’t answer the door to strangers, don’t leave the house especially after dark, and lock the door. Being young and reckless, we often disobeyed these rules. It was starting to get dark when we heard a knock at the door. We didn’t have a peephole at the time but there was a large frosted glass pane in the middle of the door to vaguely see who was there. From down the hall we could tell it was a younger man and figured it might be our friend from a house over or our older cousin from a block away. We never got strangers at our door and didn’t want to ignore someone we knew. We decided to open it and were shocked to find a teenager we didn’t recognize. He could have been in his early twenties for all we knew. 

“Is Tony home?” He asked.

No, no one lives here by that name.”

“Are you sure? Are your parents home?”

“No, sorry you have the wrong house.” We said while closing the door. It wasn’t smart of us to say we were home alone because so many different things could have gone wrong. The kid hovered at our door for a few minutes before leaving. Luckily, our parents came home shortly after that and any feeling of uneasiness vanished. The odd incident made us double check all the doors before going to sleep. We even locked the door to our garage which we hardly ever did. 

Later that night, I found myself waking up with a jolt but I wasn’t sure why. Confused, I settled back in to my bed and tried to fall asleep. BANG! I heard it as clear as day that time. That was what had woken me up before. The sound was as if someone had tried to kick open our door. Not just any door, but the one that lead to our garage that we sometimes left unlocked. I froze in my bed scared to even move, waiting for any other sounds to follow. After sitting in silence for a couple minutes, I called across the hall to my mom. No one else had seemed to have woken and I was starting to think I imagined such a thing. 

“Mom?” I whispered. 

“Yeah…” She responded in an alert voice. 

“Did you hear that?”

“Yes…” She said as we were both coming down from the adrenaline pumping in our bodies. We both came to the scary realization that we hadn’t imagined it. She awoke my dad to see if he heard it too but he dismissed it as her having a bad dream. She shook him again prompting that I had heard it too. Unconvinced that something had happened, he said he would check it out. He grabbed a bat and went downstairs. Terrified someone would come hurtling through the door the second it was open, I cried out not to do it. To calm our nerves, he hit the door with the bat making a similar banging noise as before to scare who ever might be in the garage. He forcefully opened the door and screamed “Hey!” as if he had saw someone. My mom and I had stayed upstairs for this and were hiding out in my room. All we heard after that was the door close as if my dad had gone outside. A few minutes later we heard it open and shut again with no other noise. Concerned it might be someone else who had walked in we called out. 

“Dad? Mark?”

“There was no one out there but the other door was unlocked.” He responded. 

We had a cat door on the other door in the garage that lead outside. This made it possible to reach an arm through and unlock the door from the outside. I often think about what would have happened if we hadn’t locked the inside door that night. We think it was just a junky from across the street looking for stuff to steal for money, but what if it wasn’t? Would they have just robbed us? Would they have came upstairs? 

I had a similar experience a couple years later, when we lived in a different neighborhood. I woke up to someone kicking our front door and my window is right next to it on the floor above it, so I even heard their footsteps as they ran away. No one else had heard it and my mom often tells me that I was probably dreaming. 

Halloween Chase

  

It was Halloween during my freshman year of high school. I wasn’t a partier but I still wanted to do something for Halloween. My friend and her sister wanted to go trick or treating even though we knew we were too old. It was convenient because they had just moved down the street from me and were in walking distance. I don’t remember what my costume was that year, so it probably was unoriginal and generic. I think I might have been a ninja turtle, I remember I was so small I had to buy a boys youth size. There’s a chance that was a different Halloween though. I met up with my friends on the corner near their house and we begun our journey. We worked our way up and down the neighborhood until almost all of the trick or treaters went home. Receiving many comments and side eye from parents because of our age. Not wanting the shenanigans to end we kept walking around the neighborhood, only stopping at houses of people we knew now. 

I remember we decided to go down a more wooded area of our neighborhood because a boy from our school lived down there and his dad worked at a candy factory. That meant regular sized candy bars! We skipped our way to his house only to find they weren’t home, but they left a box of them on the door step to take. Surprisingly, there were some left this late in the night and we collected our fair share. As we were walking down his steps and back on to the street we saw a guy in a costume staring at us from across the street. He was wearing a robe and mask similar to that of the Scream movies. He stood there unmoved and we wondered if he was a fake prop to scare people. 

“Was he there before?” I whispered to my friends, skeptical we would miss something like that. 

“I don’t think so, he is probably just trying to scare us” my friend replied. 

“HA HA VERY FUNNY! YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT SCARY?” We taunted as we scurried by him on the opposite side of the street. My friends sister had been dragging her feet for some time now and didn’t want to run. We walked slowly with her for a while until we realized that the guy had started following us. Wanting to put as much distance between us and the guy we scampered off. Only to turn around and realize her sister hadn’t followed and didn’t believe us that the guy was close. We pleaded with her to hurry up and to look behind her, but she kept thinking that we were joking. It wasn’t until he was only a few strides away from her that she turned around to see. She screamed and ran after us as we all started screaming and running down the street. We saw some people walking with a baby and decided he wouldn’t hurt us if we were with a group. We caught up to them and started following them closely. Thankfully the guy stopped once he realized there were a lot more people around and was gone the next time we looked back. The parents with the baby didn’t appreciate us following them and had no idea why we were out of breath and freaked out. We all made it home safe but I never wanted to go trick or treating again. 

Sheet Ghosts

  
Last night, I experienced a pretty creepy case of sleep paralysis. This is was spurred my desire to share some scary stories. For those of you who don’t know, sleep paralysis is a phenomenon when you experience temporary immobility as you are in the process of falling asleep or waking up. It is usually accompanied by vivid hallucinations as your mind begins to dream. 

Mine happened around 1AM last night as I was waking up to something. I remember being awake but my eyes were still closed as I felt a hand reach underneath my hips as if to pick me up. Then it felt like someone started tapping my stomach in a weird gurgling way. It move up my stomach and begin making a noise that was equivalent to heavy breathing and qhostly moaning. It reminded me of the noises that the tooth fairy makes in the scary movie Darkness Falls. I knew I was probably dreaming and couldn’t move my arms or legs. That is when I opened my eyes to what looked like something under my sheets climbing towards me. I kept telling myself it wasn’t real but there was nothing I could do to deflate it. I lifted my head up and bit down to make a noise with my teeth since that was the only thing I could move. After that the rest of my body woke up, and the anomaly disappeared. I assume the creepy hallucination had to be spurred by the marathon of scary movies I had playing in the background. I messed around on my phone and changed the channel before passing out again. 

In psychology, sleep paralysis is often associated with people’s claims of seeing apparitions and aliens. I can understand why they would think these things are actually happening because the hallucinations are so vivid and real. If I had no idea what sleep paralysis was I would’ve thought the same thing especially since it happened on a day such as Halloween.